Warcraft III: The Orc Buildings and Units Show
by Ner'zhul
Summary: The Orc Buildings and Units Show is a show where you learn all about Orc buildings and units. Read for a good laugh! Some Starcraft units inside. Ch 2 up!
1. Chapter 1

Warcraft III: The Orc Buildings and Units Show

Chapter 1

The audience are choosing seats, while some Terran Marines and Zerg Zerglings are buying tickets

Announcer: Hello everyone, welcome to Ner'zhul's Orc Buildings and Units Show! You'll learn about Orc buildings and units with Marn Thunderhorn the Tauren Chieftain and Ner'zhul the Shaman here. Please wait a few minutes while we prepare the props...

Some Peons are inflating some inflatable Orc buildings on stage

Me: Hey! You've inflated the Burrow inside out!

Peon: Oh crap! I'll correct it really fast...

Marn: I'll help...

Zerg Drone: I'll help inflate the Altar of Storms!

The red curtains slide away

Announcer: We're ready!

Terran Marine 1: Where's Ner'zhul?

Terran Marine 2: Yeah! Where is he?

Me: Right here! Right here!

Paladin: I thought you and Arthas were one?

Me: Oh yes. But now I'm a Shaman again, thanks to the Omega Squadron's machine!

Omega Squadron Marine: Blushes

Marn: Get on with it...

Me: Oh yes. Ahem. We'll start with the Orcish town hall, which is called the Great Hall. Here, Peons are trained. Most Orcs eat and relax here. Mined gold and harvested lumber are stored here.

A Peon points to a fake-looking Great Hall, gold mine and some plastic trees

Marn: Oh yes. Peons mine gold and harvest lumber. I bet it's hard on them...

Peon: Marn, glad you know that...

Audience: What's that noise coming from the back?

Marn: I'll go check...

At backstage, two drones and four grunts are watching The Day After Tomorrow with the speakers on full blast

Marn: HEY! The audience are complaining! Turn the volume down or no TV for you!

Drones and Grunts: Sorry!

Marn goes back on stage

Marn: Where were we?

Me: We've just finished about the Great Hall.

Marn: Oh right. Now we're going to the Orc Bur...

Suddenly Jim Raynor bursts in from the entrance and runs out through the emergency exit. This triggers the fire alarm

Kerrigan bursts in, ignoring the alarm

Kerrigan: Where's Jimmy?

Audience starts running away, thinking it was a real fire

Me: Do not panic, Jim's running through the emergency exit triggered it. There's no fire in here.

Audience: Whew!

Audience sits back down

Kerrigan: What? Emergency exit?

She runs out through the emergency exit

Audience: The noise's deafening! We can't hear!

Me: Grunts, locate the fire alarm panel and push the "Reset Alarm" button. It's red.

Grunts: This thing won't reset...

Me: Lemme try...

Marn: It's still ringing...

Me: Marn, lend me your axe.

Marn: OK!

Me: Holding axe Stand back!

I smash the fire alarm panel repeatedly with the axe. Sparks shower everywhere. Monitoring instruments drop to the floor. The alarm stops ringing

Me: Marn, your axe back.

Marn: Thanks.

Wraith Pilot: Where are you produced, Ner'zhul?

Me: Er... At the Spirit Lodge.

Wraith Pilot: Thanks! Jots down some notes

Announcer: Time's up!

Me and Marn: What?

Announcer: Time's up! It's time for the Protoss Buildings and Units Show!

Me: Oh crap... Audience, admission for the next show is free. Please keep today's tickets for the next show.

On stage, some Zealots are replacing the inflatable Great Hall with a Protoss Nexus

Probes: Robotic voice Neerzhuel, let us lend a hand.

Me: Neerzhuel? It's Ner'zhul!

Probes: Robotic voice Huh? Nuur-Zhuel?

Me: Oh, nevermind.

Marn: Time to go back home!

Me: I'll drive you!

Marn carries the deflated buildings and walks to the car park

Probe 1: Robotic voice Hey, Nuur-Zhuel left his car keys here!

Probe 2: Robotic voice Lets return it to him!

A while later

Me: Crap! Where's my keys?

Marn: What?

Probe 1: Robotic voice Nuur-Zhuel, here's your keys. You dropped it on stage.

Me: Thanks! Hands both Probes a mineral shard

Probes: Robotic voice Thanks, Nuur-Zhuel!

Car drives off

Marn: I love modern technology! This car goes at 120 MPH! In the Warcraft World, the fastest horses only do 40 MPH!

Me: Oh yes. I hardly need to walk. Want to go faster? Steps on accelerator pedal, speedometer needle hits 160 MPH

Marn: AHHHHH! I'm getting motion sickness! Don't crash!

Car slows to 140 MPH

Marn: Why is it slowing down?

Me: Oh crap, I'm out of fuel.

Marn: Yay! You can't go fast! Ha ha! Oh wait, I don't want to push the car!

Me: I have some reserve gasoline in the boot.

Marn: Don't go fast! Please!

Me: I'm going to hit 180 MPH this time!

-----END-----

Me: Eh? So how was that? Chapter 2 comin' soon to a FanFiction.net server near your computer!


	2. Chapter 2

Warcraft III: The Orc Buildings and Units Show

Chapter 2

Audience gets seated, some Wraith Pilots are buying tickets and are handed a VCD of the last episode

Announcer: Welcome back! The time allotted for this show has been lengthened to 2 hours!

Audience: YAY!

Terran SCV: I love this show!

Sharp-eyed Marine: Where's Marn Thunder-something?

Me: Marn Thunderhorn? He's down with food poisoning.

Audience: Crap...

Peon: Want some help? Can you handle this alone?

Me: Yes, I got my laptop. Boots up IBM ThinkPad

Peon: Huff Puff, blowing up this Barracks is hard work...

Me: Oh for god's sake! We're in 2004! Use an electronic air pump!

Peon: Oh right.

A Troll Headhunter helps to set up the projector

Headhunter: How'd you turn this thing on? Which button to press?

Me: I'll take over, you go inflate the buildings and get ready the props

Headhunter: OK!

Projector turns on and the Windows Logon screen is displayed

I type my password

Peon looks over my head

Me: Whats this? You want to guess my password? Get on with your work.

Peon: OK OK!

I launch Microsoft PowerPoint and load the presentation

Me: We're ready! Okay, lets continue about the Orc Burrow. In this section of it, there's a compartment for Peons to go in. When Peons go in, they arm themselves with spears and start throwing spears at enemies. There are enough food supplies in there to last Peons up to two days on end.

A detailed floor plan for the burrow is displayed on screen and the peon sections are circled in red

Me: Peon, can you do a demo?

Peon: Sure!

The Peon arms himself with a plastic spear and goes into a fake transparent burrow

Me: Action!

A Zerg Zergling runs across the stage. The Peon throws the spear with pinpoint accuracy and the Zergling pretends to be dead

Me: See how it is done? The Peons are trained to shoot their spears with pinpoint accuracy because we try to minimize spear wastage. You wouldn't want to go out and retrieve a missed spear in the middle of enemies that can make toast out of you in seconds would you?

Peon: NO!

Me: OK Zergling and Peon, go back to your movie.

Peon and Zergling goes backstage

Me: This computer is a bother... I'll talk myself.

Suddenly, some Dragoons, Zealot and a High Templar burst in

Zealot: The Orc Building and Units Show? Isn't it supposed to be the Protoss Buildings and Units show?

Announcer: Didn't I email you? The show now ends at 5.00 PM instead of 4.30 PM.

Zealot: I didn't check my inbox!

Audience: Look there!

The Peon is playing Starcraft on Battle.net

Me: Should we continue this in the next episode?

Audience: Yes! We want to watch this!

Protoss Units: Wow! He's playing Protoss! We gotta see this!

Zealot: Can we come in?

Me: Yes, free, but you'll have to sit on the floor or stand. The seats are full.

Protoss Units: We prefer standing.

Peon: Crap! I'm losing! AHH!

The last of his Probes at the expansion base are being toasted as some Siege Tanks pummel the Nexus

Zealot: Let me go help.

The Zealot takes over, letting the expansion base fall and concentrating on the main base instead

The Marines attack the main base but are killed by cannons and Dragoons

10 minutes later....

The opponent's last base is being toasted by masses of Dragoons, Zealots and Carriers

1 minute later...

Congratulations! You are victorious!

Peon: Thanks!

Announcer: Time's up!

Zealot: We'll help you pack up for letting us watch that show.

Dragoon: Yeah.

I walk to the car park and start the car

Speedometer needle maxes out at 200 MPH

Me to myself: Now I'm having motion sickness! Slows to 140 MPH

-----END-----

Chapter 3 gonna be up soon!


End file.
